I found this on my computer from the end of 2015, and it just resonated with me today…
Once upon a time my life was the antithesis of a fairy tale. It read like a nightmare more than I could have ever imagined. My world shattered the day I lost my husband. The funny thing about the word “lost” in regards to the dead is that I don’t believe they are truly the ones who are lost. I believe that when someone we love dies, we lose a piece of our heart to the other side, and we are the ones who become lost as we search for it.
The day Tom died was just the beginning of my journey as a lost thing. What I didn’t realize then was that lost things desperately want to be found things, so much so that they cling to any hint of interest and the possibility of finding a home. I found a few temporary homes along the way – one that I thought for sure would be permanent. But each time I was just setting myself up for failure and disappointment.
Then one day I made a home for myself, and I realized that I wasn’t really lost anymore. Eventually I became a found thing because I found myself. It didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happen after one defining moment. Sure I experienced a handful of defining moments in life, but really I cannot pinpoint a single conversation, event, experience, idea, or decision that created this significant change. It was an accumulation of those moments that led to other moments, which all connected together to kept pushing me a little closer to where I was supposed to be.
Can I explain how each of these things impacted me? I can look back and say “It all started when…” and “This event happened where I met that person who had that conversation with me and it triggered this idea and then I went to the other place and…” And so on and so forth. I can see in hindsight just how the pieces have fallen into place, but it was the divine hand of God that orchestrated the whole thing. And it all started when I started leaning in towards Him. The more I leaned in the more I saw His hand at work. It wasn’t what I wanted, and it wasn’t what I pictured, but it was exactly what I needed, and really life has been better this way for so many reasons.
No longer am I a lost thing. No longer do I have to search for a home and settle for less than the best because I was never created to settle for something less than what God has for me. He helped me build my own home and I found myself.