Two years ago, after recovering from a surgery, I started taking Pure Barre classes. I knew right away the pain I was feeling wasn’t normal. And two months later, I was under the knife again having major surgery. It was supposed to be an 8 week recovery, but that wasn’t even close to my experience. It was so bad that in the early days I cried and at times, wished to be dead. It was a few months before I could go an entire day without needing someone to help me stand up. Nearly two years since that surgery, I still have pain, though considerably less (thank God).
I was cleared to workout again before the holidays, and have gone running on occasion. But I have held myself back from “real workouts” out of fear even after getting the okay from one of the top doctors in his field of medicine.
Fear will ruin our lives if we let it, but I’m so tired of holding myself back. I’m so tired of living in fear. I do it in every area of my life. I’d shut my heart off to the world after all the emotional pain I’ve been through. But recently someone found a way to opened my heart up again, only to turn around and try to crush it.
And it hurt. But you know what? I’m okay. And I think it made me realize that I don’t want to go through life afraid of pain – physical or emotional.
So, today I went back to Pure Barre with a mix of fear and excitement. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to finish the class.
But I went anyway. And you know what? It was hard. It hurt. And I had modify some moves. But I didn’t leave. I persevered. And I know that I will reach my goals. At one point the instructor even came over to tell me I was doing a great job. Talk about encouragement!
Pain is where we grow – both physically and emotionally. I’ve known this, but I wasn’t ready to face it again until it found me on its own and reminded me that pain isn’t what stops me; it may slow me down but only I am what stops me.
And now I’m excited. I’m excited to see where life takes me. I’m excited because I know it will make me a better person. I’m excited because when I push through my fear, it loses some of its grip on me, which gives me the reassurance that I can do this again and again. I can face fear and overcome it. I won’t allow the fear of a broken heart or the fear of working out to the point I need yet another surgery stop me. My body is sore and fatigued, but my spirit feels renewed.
So I’m ready to take those steps in fear both emotionally and physically and see what transformations will come.