When God closes a door, sometimes it hurts. Especially when you’re trying really hard to keep it open, and it slams in your face anyway.
That really hurts.
It also hurts when you try to pry it back open because you weren’t ready, or don’t believe it should have been shut to begin with.
Have you ever tried to open a closed door even with like 6 deadbolts on the other side keeping you out? Just me?? Probably not. But even if so, I’ll pretend like I’m not alone. Otherwise I’m writing this just to myself (which is totally okay, too).
I’ve tried so hard in the past to keep certain doors opened. And goodness, I’m not even sure which hurt worse – the doors closing or the realization that I’d never be able to open them again.
But with enough time and perspective I have become grateful for some doors closing. Two come to mind right away.
Behind Closed Door #1
I said for decades that one day I was going to move back to California. That was until life happened, and every time I took a step or two towards moving there, something went wrong. I finally realized it just wasn’t in the cards, but it was sad giving up that dream.
For me, California represented the fairytale I thought my life was before my parents divorced, and I still chose to view it through that lens as an adult. But when I got too close to actually moving there, God closed that door once and for all, and started showing me what I didn’t want to accept – I couldn’t go back and recreate a fairytale.
The truth is that when God closes doors it’s for our benefit even when it hurts. And it often does hurt because we want what we want, and we can’t see things from God’s perspective. There are times we just don’t want to see it from His perspective. After all, how many times do we think we know better than God?!
After I knew for sure that California was off the table, it didn’t take long for me to see that it had never been the best fit for my family, and what I was looking for in moving there could never be fulfilled. But I had to be willing to see through a different lens to gain that perspective.
Behind Closed Door #2
California happened just a few short months after God slammed the door on a toxic relationship I should never have been in, but wasn’t willing to give up. And I know that too many of us can relate to that one!
When my relationship with Mr. Bad News ended, my heart just plain old ached. He was the first man I dated after my husband died, and I thought he was my Knight in Shining Armor sent to rescue me. But I couldn’t have been more wrong!
And when it was all said and done, even though I hurt, I felt peace like I’d never known before. I knew God had closed that door and added extra deadbolts because have a tendency to learn my lessons the hard way. Multiple times. Eventually, I got over the breakup even without any closure, which used to be hard for me.
But recently, there was a knock on that door and locks were on my side this time. Curiosity got me enough that I peaked through.
You see, Mr. Bad News contacted me after years of us not talking. He admitted he treated me badly, but wouldn’t apologize. He said he kept waiting for me to flip out on him, and I explained that I had forgiven him years ago.
After a bit of conversation, his true intentions were revealed, and I was floored by what he said. I actually found it humorous at first, and then it hit me. Things in his life haven’t improved much after all this time. He was searching for something that he hoped I could give him. He’s a hurt person and so he hurts others. And in that moment, my heart for him the way it would anyone like him. I shared my thoughts and said I’d pray for him, which I’ve been doing.
I realized that God allowed that door to crack open just enough to show me what He saved me from. Sometimes we never get that opportunity, but when we do it’s in God’s timing, not ours. Years ago I would have either tried to run through the door without bothering to see what’s on the other side, or I would have been so angry I would have never considered praying for him. And as a friend said, maybe I’m the only one who is.
I’m thankful for the reminder that God has a better plan for our lives than the one we choose for ourselves. This is one of those lessons I’ll have to look back on when the next door closes.
I'm Not Martha 